Episode 168: How one hard conversation unlocked total flow

In this episode, I share how choosing to honor my boundaries (instead of people-pleasing) completely shifted the energy of a trip with my dear friend.

You’ll hear how one hard conversation opened the door to unexpected flow, connection, and ease—and what it taught me about trust, friendship, and the power of inner alignment.

We Discuss:

• How to recognize when it’s time to speak your truth
• The shift from “doing it for them” to “experiencing it with them”
• Why discomfort can lead to deeper connection

A must-listen if you’re navigating boundaries, communication, or big personal growth moments.

Transcript

0:43

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Tuning in Podcast. Today I am sharing a story that surprised me in the best possible way, a story about boundaries, friendship, emotional growth, and what happens when you choose to honor your truth, even when it's uncomfortable. I'm calling this episode how one hard Conversation. Unlocked flow and adventure. This is one of those stories that starts feeling really uncomfortable, but ends with deep peace, synchronicity, and lots of joy. So let's dive in. A few weeks ago, my long time friend, who I have known for over 30 years, it was planning to come visit me. I was excited. She's adventurous, vibrant, and always up for something fun. I'd been looking forward to hosting her, spending quality time together and catching up, but then I got a surprise. She called me to let me know that she was on her way and had her. Dog with her. Now. I actually love her dog. He puts all other dogs to shame. He is sweet. He is mellow, he's obedient, he's adorable. But as you know, I have a cat Mia, who is. The queen of our house, she's sensitive, territorial, and or one and only pet. She doesn't do well with visitors or animals, and this house is her sanctuary, it's her territory, the yard as well. So the moment I heard that my friend was bringing her dog, I felt that old familiar tension rise within me. My husband was upset because he's so protective and caring when it comes to our home, our energy, and of course Mia. The dog's presence would definitely disrupt that, and we'd basically have to lock Mia away in our bedroom for three days suddenly. I was feeling that like inner push pull. Do I say something or do I just make it work? This is where I notice that old pattern surfacing one, that I have lived out so many times. The part of me that wants to smooth things over, avoid conflict, be the good friend, the chill host. The part of me that would've swallowed the discomfort and just gone along with it quietly managing the stress underneath. But something within me stopped that pattern in its tracks it said. Wait, is this actually an opportunity for me to be more easygoing and flow with life, or is this inviting me to step into my boundaries and face a hard conversation with love? I really sat with that question. And opened up to either answer being the best and right for everyone involved. Looking at it this way really changed everything. There was no right or wrong. I just had to keep, get curious what was the moment asking me to grow into. I looked over to my husband and I really could feel the stress that it was creating between us. And that was the moment that I got clear. I said to myself and to him, whatever decision we make, it's going to be for us, not against or in defense of anyone or anything I trust. That this can be a loving decision that creates more harmony, not separation, that this can actually open us up to connection and not conflict that intention. Set the tone. And shifted everything for me because it broke another pattern. The one where I see things as black and white, someone being right or someone being wrong. That mindset used to protect me, but it also has kept me stuck. This wasn't about blame or fault, it was about care, clarity and trust. So after some time contemplating this and sitting with it, writing about it, really getting clear with myself, I picked up the phone and called my friend and gently offered a new solution. In fact, it was one that John had thought of in the first place, which was, Hey, what if instead of staying at our house, what if we stayed at a pet friendly hotel together? It was really uncomfortable to stay, but I also brought love and clarity and levity into the situation. I didn't want her to feel rejected. I wanted to feel grounded and kind. And the crazy thing is y'all, she responded so well. In fact, she was honest with me and told me that she was feeling over, socialized a little bit, peopled out, and was needing a little alone time and possibly an adventure to get out of town. That's when things started to click after some back and forth and communication about what actually might work best for all of us. She actually found somewhere for her dog to stay that first night, a friend of hers that she was already visiting in that moment. It. I could not have planned this, like this is alignment, this is unfolding. We couldn't have really thought or planned that it just happened. Then her Airbnb host allowed her to shift her dates earlier, and with that we reshaped our plants from three nights, staying at our house and visiting the town of Santa Fe to a shorter and sweeter. Road trip together, one that my friend so beautifully thought through and planned, and honestly, it really is better than our original plan. The moment I honored my truth, everything started. To fall into place. She came over that first afternoon and we felt so calm and connected. We did a sunset bike ride while she roller bladed. John set up the fire pit for the first time in our backyard and we had a delicious dinner that came together with so much ease from a combination of leftovers that she needed to use up. And things in my fridge that I threw together. And she even told me the next morning that sleeping at our house that night was the best sleep. She'd had her whole trip, which of course totally warmed my inner hostess heart. And then the next day we set off on a mini desert road trip. We were able to pick up her dog from the friend's house. It was like her dog had a little adventure of his own. We picked him up, we grabbed my f. Favorite burritos from a food truck in town. We grabbed some snacks from. A grocery store, and then we turned on the literal radio and hit the road, and immediately the synchronicities started right away. The first song that played on the radio was from Nellie. Uh, one of our favorite rappers back in the high school days, and we were singing along with a song, and then about 15 minutes out of town we legitimately saw a billboard that was for either an artist or a comedian, I don't remember, and her name was Sarah. Evans, which was a combination of our names. While we were also on the trip, we spotted elk, and later on there was a road runner guiding us down the street. The weather was perfect. The hike that my friend found was unbelievable leading us to the most gorgeous hot springs. That felt like a private oasis. After a two mile hike, even the temperature of the hot springs was perfect. Typically they're a hundred degrees or higher, but this one was lower, about 80 to 90 degrees. And it's crazy because that sounds cool for a hot springs. But the day of the hike was so warm, and by the time we got up to the top of the hike, we were sweating so. Going into the hot springs felt, felt so refreshing and delightful. We also got to see a couple major monuments in New Mexico that I hadn't seen yet because again, my friend had planned this beautiful. Four hour road trip that we went on and then we ended in Albuquerque at her Airbnb, which she was able to move up and had such a wonderful night together. We unwound and y'all, this is so fun. When we were. Oh, I am not sure how old we were, truthfully, but we were probably like 13 or 14. We lived in this beautiful neighborhood that was like a forest, and this is where we met. We met in second grade and have been friends ever since, but both of us decided to buy. A goed, so that's what they were called back then. So a motorized scooter now, I think they're just called scooters, but a motorized scooter. And we both bought those with our own money. And because our neighborhood was like a forest, we didn't have sidewalks. And it was like we were like, I don't know, a mile or two away from each other. And so we'd get our scooters. We'd phone call each other. Like in the morning, in the summer, we decide what time and where to meet up with our scooters, and then we'd scoot all around our neighborhood. It was so much fun. I don't know if, I've been on a scooter for probably 15 years, so on our way home. We walked to dinner, we had a beautiful walk to dinner, had a delicious dinner, and on our way home we both decided we'd feel a little bit safer if we didn't have to walk home. After making one last stop, we turned the corner in literally two of those rentable scooters. We're just sitting on the sidewalk as if they were waiting for us to get on. So we checked out the scooters and had the most delightful fun time. Scooting home it, it was motorized. I mean, it was such a full circle moment, honestly. It felt like the whole trip. The universe kept saying, see, you're on the right path. Keep going, keep playing. At one point during the trip, I did have this realization. This trip is something I'm experiencing with my friend, not for her. This is huge for me as well. Because in the past I would've seen myself as the host, the planner, the accommodator, but in this version, we were equals. We were both getting what we wanted and needed, and we both had room to be who we are. When you're in relationship. With someone for so long, you have to make space for the growth and evolution of that person. You can't be who you were in the past and you can't expect them to be either. She's spontaneous and easygoing. I like structure and find a lot of joy in finding the best places. We saw those differences play out even when we picked a coffee shop. I wanted to go to my favorite place in town, but she found one within walking distance, and when I said. But I know the best one. She looked at me and said, it's not about finding the best Dana, right now, we wanna find something that's close and new. This caused my brain to short circuit for a minute. But the funniest part was she was right. Her spot was great. I might even think it was better than the spot I've been in the past, and I would've missed it had I clung too tightly to my way. I even realized maybe I don't need to work so hard to make everything perfect. Maybe good enough can be magic too. If you know me, y'all, that's a huge light bulb moment. There were moments of the trip, of course, where we activated each other or rubbed up against our differences, and in one point my friend joke, she's like, we we're bickering, like we're an old married couple. I'm like, well, we kind of are, but. I in particular, in particular, didn't overthink and obsess over it, which was really beautiful and I didn't even try to defend or prove or even control situations. I held space for discomfort and was able to move through it, and I suspect she was too. And then after the trip was complete, when my ego wanted to come in and say, let's dissect what went wrong or what's different or what you should have done differently. I actually didn't feed it. I detached, I dropped it, and I really held the essence of let this trip be what it was. Beautiful, imperfect, intimate, and complete. My big lesson from this whole experience was we can break a pattern and let it bond us, not break us. In fact, a bigger sentiment for me is. Will we have the courage as individuals to speak the truth lovingly and actually let that truth be the solve that bonds us. Not the wedge that breaks us. And that's what this trip was. It was a small moment that became a big shift, a decision made from truth, not from fear. A friendship strengthened through realness, not performance. And that's what I wanna leave you with. Even when stress or tension shows up, can you hold the bigger picture? Can you see the overarching harmony unfolding even inside of the discomfort? And can you trust that your truth won't ruin everything? It might actually be the thing that sets you free. If you're standing at the edge of a hard conversation, a boundary, or a brave moment. I hope this story encourages you to trust yourself. Truth doesn't actually start with conversation. It starts with clarity. Flow doesn't always come from going along with things. Sometimes it comes from going against an old pattern, letting the pieces fall and watching how life rearranges itself around your clarity. So thank you so much for tuning in. I love sharing these moments in life where something seemingly small that can feel really big inside, you know, a little trigger, can really throw us off. But when we're able to hold on to the bigger picture and to see the love and joy and to not let our ego and defensiveness and wounds be what speak, but really the love. That is underneath it all, how much life can sparkle even in the difficult times. I'll continue sharing stories like this and if this resonated with you, as always, I would love if you shared it or sent me a message to let me know what landed. You can text me in the show notes. At the bottom of the show notes, there's a line that says, text this episode. It's so cool. You just click the link and it opens up a text on your phone and you can send me a message that way, even if you just wanna see if it works, try it. I would appreciate that. But until next time, keep listening inward, honoring your truth and rhythm, and tuning in to the voice within you. We'll see you next week.